


Meanwhile, in Kiev

by Ana_Khouri



Series: Interlude [2]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 05:18:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8565529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ana_Khouri/pseuds/Ana_Khouri
Summary: Because Serena isn't the only one pining...





	

Bernie entered the bar, darker than the one her new colleagues frequented by the hospital, louder too but that was part of the point. She wanted to be alone but not with her thoughts. They kept betraying her - shuttling between hoping Serena would forget her, never give her the chance to hurt her, and wanting to be with her so badly her body trembled with the force of it. 

Her fist hit the bar a little harder than she meant to - slamming down the empty whiskey glass - and the pain travelled up her arm, successfully disrupting her thoughts. She ordered another in the halting Russian she had picked up in the military. She had been learning bits of Ukrainian from patients and family members but most people spoke to her in English which was frustrating her attempts at learning the language properly. She didn’t know the Ukrainian word for ‘whiskey’ in any case. 

When the second drink came she nursed it, knowing she should be drinking something lighter but beer made her feel like she was on tour and wine tasted like Serena’s laugh, reminded her of all the drinks she spent watching those lips and not kissing them. She took another sip of her whiskey, trying to dull the memories, and watched out of the corner of her eye as a man approached the bar and spoke to the bar tender while gesturing to her.

He moved closer to the chair beside her. 

”Is this seat taken?" he asked in heavily accented English. 

Bernie looked up at him, traces of grey hair, classy but worn suit and glasses. He didn't seem like the type to be picking women up in bars with such obvious lines but Bernie wasn't taking any chances.

"I'm gay," she spluttered, an easy out she tried not to analyse - was she? Surely Marcus hadn't always been a lie… 

The man at her side chuckled, "How very forthright of you Ms Wolfe - so am I," he replied, raising the glass he had just received in acknowledgement. 

"Do I know you?" Bernie asked pointedly, looking up unaffectedly as she turned her glass slowly in her hands. 

"Anton Pianchko," he introduced, "I've seen you at the hospital - your name precedes you," he replied with forthrightly. 

She sat up a bit straighter even as she groaned inwardly. 

"I'm sorry,” she apologised, “I'm just..," she tried to explain her previously brusque behaviour before settling on holding out her hand, "nice to meet you Anton,” she uttered, a forced smile plastered on her face - the mask she didn’t want to have to wear tonight. 

"I didn't mean to intrude but I didn't want it to be said that we lacked hospitality," he explained, "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression." 

Bernie shook her head, cheeks colouring slightly in embarrassment. “I...." she hesitated again, trying to find a polite way of saying 'wanted to be alone.'

"Missing home?" He offered trying to fill in the blanks, the kindness in his eyes putting her somewhat at ease. 

An image of Serena flashed before her. 

"Or someone at home," he continued with a chuckle before Bernie registered that her expression had altered, “You must miss her.”

Bernie met his eyes in instinctual shock. "Her?" she asked before she realised she had outed herself at the beginning of the conversation. She nodded in embarrassed acknowledgment. 

“It’s new to you then," he remarked warmly. 

“Being out? You could say that,” Bernie replied without meeting his eyes, taking another sip of her drink, the alcohol giving her strength as she gave up pretending. 

She turned to him curiously, “Did you ever have a boyfriend who was straight before you were together?” she asked. 

“A personal question,” he replied. 

“Well you seem to know an awful lot about me,” she challenged with a laugh, raising her eyebrows. 

“Since I get the feeling my experience would’ve shed light on yours, I’m sorry to say I have not had that particular experience,” he replied with an overarching formality, hiding a nervous grin behind his glass. 

Bernie nodded and stared at her glass again, her mind wandering as the silence stretched between them. 

“I don’t want to ruin her life, like Alex did mine,” she murmured, almost to herself, as her eyes widened at the recognition of her own words. She didn't really blame Alex - the feelings had been mutual and intense - but those feelings had destroyed the life she had known, changed everything she had known about herself. 

“As much as I would be happy to hear more, I have a feeling you may prefer me to leave you to your thoughts,” Anton voiced, reading her face. 

Bernie composed her features and nodded, thanking him with a warm formality as she allowed him to slip back into the darkness of the bar - her mind racing. 

She pulled out her phone and read Serena’s last message: _‘I meant what I said. The hospital needs you.’_

It wasn’t too far off from what she had said to Alex, that she missed working with her. Alex had corrected her of course but they had been lovers - she had known. 

She exhaled fiercely, laughing at her own stupidity - because how could she not know the meaning behind Serena’s words? She remembered their last day together vividly, the desperation on her face when she left, the nervous desire earlier that day when they had made dinner plans, the want in her eyes before she kissed her, the trepidation when she read the brochure for the Trauma Unit… 

She covered her face with her hands, trying to ease the frustration within her. 

‘What am I doing?’ she asked herself before taking a deep breath. 

She was scared. Marcus had been expected, Alex had been surprisingly easy within the confines of military life but this? How could Serena already be talking about love when they’d only kissed for the first time a few weeks earlier? How could she know herself enough to be making that call when Bernie, who was supposed to be experienced but had only been outed by a patient on the ward, didn’t even feel comfortable enough in her new skin to out herself except as an evasion, a joke? 

Surely this was the best thing for Serena, giving her the space she was never able to have with Alex, the space to be sure of her feelings without the ever-present intensity between them. Would that have changed anything for her, Alex and Marcus? She liked to think she would’ve come out sooner, told the children, been more comfortable, but she honestly didn’t know. 

Her breath caught at the possibility that Serena’s feelings would fade, that she would return from Kiev and find her with Robbie again. She swallowed hard. She would need to be ready for the possibility but she couldn’t face it - not yet. 

She took the final sip of her drink and try to pay to find out Anton had covered it. She grabbed her coat and met his eyes across the room as she left, mouthing a thank you as he gave a small nod and a smile before returning to his companion. 

She left the bar and breathed deeply of the cool Ukrainian night. This self-imposed exile certainly wasn’t easy but she had to do it, for both of them.


End file.
